Bread Shaming

One night I was out with a group of friends at Olive Garden. I happily reached for a bread stick, and immediately was shocked by the astonished looks some of my friends gave me. One friend said “Wow, good for you!” as if eating a breadstick was an accomplishment.

Embarrassed, I put my half-eaten breadstick on my plate and didn’t have another bite. My other friend eagerly reached for another bread stick, not letting the bread shaming get to her.

If you’re asking yourself, “What the heck is bread shaming?” I have an answer. Bread shaming is when you’re enjoying a yummy bagel, piece of toast, or other bread item – and another scrutinizing female gives you a judgmental look. Bread has such a bad rap in today’s culture. “There’s just so many carbs!” that (as crazy as it sounds) some people simply don’t know how to handle another person eating bread! As a teenage girl, I can tell you that I am ALWAYS comparing my food intake with others.

It’s like a competition, yet no one is winning.

There’s always that one awkward person who orders a hamburger, when everyone else is ordering the salad with non-fat ranch dressing.

“That’s exactly what it is,” says Isabel Duke, a health coach whose job is to help clients separate food and self-worth. “In [our] culture, women constantly compare their weight and their food intake with each other. Sometimes it comes out as a ‘holier-than-thou’ declaration, like, ‘How can you eat that? It’s so bad for you!’ Note the people saying that are almost never doctors or nutritionists, by the way… but then there’s also a competitive aspect some friendships foster around food. You’ll think, ‘If you have a piece of bread, am I allowed to have a piece of bread? If you have a piece of bread, am I stronger and better than you because I can resist it?’
The more obsessed someone is with their weight, and their worth compared to others around them, then the more aggressive they are likely to be about Bread Shaming. Although you would think it would be easy to just say “Leave me alone and let me eat whatever I want” ….it’s not always that easy.

When a friend says to you “Do you know what’s in that?” she is in a sense saying that your thighs are too big to be eating bread. Once you have the confidence to realize that there is nothing wrong with you and that it’s only the system that’s wrong … it can make a lot of people really uncomfortable.

The funny thing about all of this, is that often a lot of the people who are bread shaming are the ones who are smoking, chewing gum, and drinking diet soda.

I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather put gluten into my body than harmful chemicals…have you read the ingredients on some of those things?

It just seems to me that bread shaming is mostly done by people who are insecure about their weight – or maybe even jealous about yours. What if instead of caring what other people are eating, we just ate what was good for our bodies? Yeah, having 23 slices of pizza probably isn’t the best idea, but neither is judging your friend for what she’s putting in her body.

It’s okay.

It’s okay to change your mind. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay not to give an explanation for saying no. It’s okay to reach for seconds. It’s okay to cry so hard your face is red and your eyes sting. It’s okay to allow yourself to be happy. It’s okay to let go of anyone who tries to bury you with the soil of your past mistakes. It’s okay to remain naive. It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to fall in love. It’s okay to fall out of love, too. It’s okay to like your eyelashes or your cute waist or your nose. It’s okay not to hate your body. It’s okay to be gentle with yourself. It’s okay to dance in the rain or fire or snow or whatever tries to hurt you. It’s okay to stop rushing and take time to breathe. It’s okay not to believe everything you hear. It’s okay to have your heart bruised. It’s okay to feel empty. It’s okay to scream your hurts to the city, or just do it to an empty meadow. It’s okay to be raw, to be honest. It’s okay to cause conflict with a resolution in mind.

It’s okay to not be okay.

a letter to the editors of gossip magazines

A letter to the editors of gossip magazines:

Hi, I’m Lyndsea. I’m 15, and I’m probably your target audience. But I have a problem with your magazines.

You show girls makeup tutorials to help them contour their face, or make their eyes look bigger on the pages of your magazines. You show an easy, step by step tutorial with a beautiful, sun kissed girl doing it right along with you. These girls go home and spend an hour in front of the mirror trying to make it look like in the magazines. It doesn’t work.

You spend pages upon pages on the Kardashians and their relationships and who they’re hooking up with, or who they were spotted holding hands with, instead of informing teenage girls about important things going on in the world OR EVEN THINGS OF VALUE. What if you spoke about that, instead of covering a girl’s family who became a celebrity for being a porn star.

You give young teens make out tips. Make out tips. Let that sink in. There are so many things wrong with that, I don’t even know where to begin. You give girls a diagram, or you tell them where to put their hands, and all of these absolutely disgusting things that no one needs to know. Why should a magazine of all things, be teaching young girls this?

You tell girls how to get a guy to like them. The thing is, that’s the wrong way to do it. You can’t MAKE a guy like you, or change yourself in any way to get them to appreciate you. You give them “advice”, and when the guy doesn’t like the girl back, she ends up feeling worthless. Because this stuff never works. If you do end up changing yourself….these guys don’t like the real you. And that’s not fair to you, or to the guy you’re interested in.

On page 34 you talk about how wonderful so and so looked at this event, and on page 68 you’re tearing her down. What is that teaching girls about the way they treat others? That it’s okay to tear someone down in one breath, and build them up in the next?

There are so many other things that I could point out that are wrong here, but I’ll spare you a detailed list.

I think the worst part of all of this, is that I know what’s in these magazines. How? Because I have devoured every one that I laid my hands on. Browsing through them at the check out line, reading them at doctors offices, and believing the lies they told me.

And you know what? It didn’t work. Compromising your integrity never does. That may sound extreme, but if you think about it…that’s really what it is.

What if we stopped purchasing these trash magazines, stopped clicking on the gossip websites, and stopped buying into this industry? With out these voices in our ears telling us to apply more make up or change ourselves, we’ll be a whole lot happier at the very least.

So stop reading the magazines, stop clicking on the articles. It’s just not worth it.

comfort zones

I was laying in bed one night in Mexico, just staring at the patterns on the ceiling, hoping sleep would soon make my eyelids heavy. Instead, the ceiling patterns slowly turned a silvery mush of liquids as my eyes started to water. If crying were rain, this was a category 4 hurricane.

I had NO idea why I was crying, but I was! (I know most girls can relate to this!)

As I normally do when I cry, I tried to pray. But…I COULDN’T! I felt like my mind had this huge block in front of it.

So, I was laying there, crying for no apparent reason, not able to pray, when a verse popped into my head.

“Be still, and know that I am God.”

“But……!”

“Be still.”

And so I did.

I listened to the crashing waves outside my hotel window, the light snoring of my baby brother, and people laughing in the hotel lobby.

My tears stilled, and my heart raced in anticipation for what God was going to show me.

The thought didn’t come in loud fanfare, or with me sitting up in bed, shouting “Eureka!”

It was a little thought. A timid thought. A thought so small and seemingly unimportant that I almost didn’t realize it existed.

It was this: “I’m so tired.”

Not physically, because at that moment I was wide awake. I was simply emotionally drained. All the time. So emotionally drained that I started crying for no reason!

In my busy busy busy life, where I’m constantly rushing or scheduling coffee dates or hopping on an airplane or worrying or becoming consumed with my every day life, it seems weird not to be rushing.

So that even in my time of rest in bed, my mind is always wandering.

I’m so used to moving through life at a frantic pace, that when I try to pray, I can only think about what I’ll be doing tomorrow.

Of course I’m not going to be able to truly pray if my mind isn’t really on God!

So, the next morning, I went down to the beach.

And I sat.

And I thought, and I thought, and I prayed and I prayed.

No distractions, just me and God.

The thought of that can be really intimidating to me. No comfortable “goodnight” prayers, or “dinner time” prayers, or praying over a friend. Those prayers are in my comfort zone, and I don’t really have to think about them.

But when you are sitting before God, knowing what He wants you to do, but not sure how to do it, that’s uncomfortable.

And this summer, God wants me to be uncomfortable.

Since my comfort is found in go go going, He wants me to stop.

Breathe.

And take some time to devote to Him.

Have you maybe felt that way, as you are finishing up your school year? Frantic? Not enough time for God?

Well, this summer God has called me to quietly sit before His throne and rest in Him.

What has He called you to?

{change}

I’ve grown up an adventurer, and I think my brother is the same way. I’ve had the opportunity to travel well and often. I’ve been to more places then most adults have (I say this not to brag, but to boast of God’s faithfulness to my family even in the hard times.) I take photos of lovers, teenagers, hipsters, the works. We normally end up bonding while trekking through the forest finding some old, forgotten shack or a crystal blue river every now and then.

But every Spring, for as long as I can remember, the thirst for adventure in me starts to grow stronger. I’m not sure why it happens in the Spring. But every Spring, I long for change. I want to move, I long for greener pastures and I thirst for adventure. And the longer time goes on and it doesn’t happen, the thirst for adventure turns into the ache for change.

<p I have fallen into a routine at church, school, and CYT. I know almost everyone. And I just want something NEW. (I want to meet new people, so new things, travel new places.)

It’s not that I want to leave my friends or the stability that life here has provided- because life here is good. But I do still long for adventure.

When I get to this point of near frustration, I have to stop trying to run away and ask myself the question: could this ache for change be sign of something deeper?

Maybe it’s not about moving away, or trying out something new. Maybe it’s not about going somewhere new. I think the ache for change can signify a few things:

1) God is doing something in my heart. Maybe He is calling me to a new area of ministry, a new goal to pursue, or a new direction. These things might happen right where I am. I may look everywhere else for the answer, while the answer is right in front of me. Keep seeking Him, and you will find what you are looking for. Don’t seek after a goal or a life change unless you are sure He is leading you that way and He is opening the doors for you.

2) The ache can mean that I’m trying to fill an area of my life with something other than God. I do it with food, I do it with addictions, I do it even with relationships. Is my thirst for adventure or for change really a distraction from something God is trying to change in my own life? Am I seeking external change when what is really needed is internal change?

But what about when the ache for change really means that things need to change? What if God gives you or me that ache because He is positioning us to move on, to try something new? Or what if we are so ready for change because we need it and it will make our life better? We need to trust in His timing, that He will open the doors if that is what He wants us to do.

The best thing we can do if we feel the thirst for adventure or the ache for change is to be faithful to the ministry God has already put in our laps. (You may not consider it a ministry as cool as going to some exotic, far off place to serve for a semester, but if it’s where God wants you, you will do far more at home than anywhere else.) We can still seek out adventure, but often times the adventure is right in front of us. If we’re looking elsewhere for it, we can miss it. Why are we seeking adventure? Why are we aching for change? Let’s keep our eyes focused as we seek to find adventure or we ache for change. It will come.</p

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Things I’ve learned in 2014:

Just because you call someone your best friend is no reason to keep them in your life if they treat you badly.

Not all conflict is bad.

I don’t have to be busy 24/7 to be happy.

Sometimes crying in front of people is okay.

No matter how long I don’t pray or read my bible or mess up, He will always love me.

Tripods are very necessary.

When someone asks you to be honest about something, sometimes they really don’t want honesty.

It’s important to listen to what your siblings have to say about the small things, or else they won’t tell you about the big things.

I used to think I was a kind person, but I’m not. I am always reminding myself to speak kindly to (and about) others.

I really like sunflowers.

You can’t just expect someone to know if you’re angry with them. You have to talk to them about it.

Sarcasm hurts.

And gossip.

I normally know the answer to whatever I’m wondering about in my personal life in my heart. Sometimes I just don’t want to be right about it.

I live in a social bubble full of legalistic Christians, and that has influenced me to tend towards legalism. I have to fight that.

If the algebra problem seems really easy, you’re doing it wrong.

It’s important to go outside a lot.

I know a lot of really incredible, brave individuals.

Despite my immediate outrage after reading it, Allegiant (book 3 of the Divergent series) was actually very well written.

Speaking of books, Anne of Green Gables is absolutely brilliant.

Boys are dumb.

Not all of them. But most of them.

I am really competitive about things that shouldn’t matter.

Some people never truly change.

But it’s my job to be optimistic that they might, some day.

I’m an idealist, definitely.

Roles aren’t that important.

I’ve learned to let it go. *starts belting Let It Go dramatically*

Dancing is…… not my talent. But I love it.

Saying goodbye is really really hard.

I’ve realized this year how young I am, and how much life I have ahead of me. The years I have right now in highschool don’t define me as a human being, they are simply a stepping stone to who I will become. And that makes me very very happy.

Suicide is one of the most selfish things you can ever do. It effects so many people in ways the individual will never understand.

Heartbreak brings people together in an incredible way.

And it’s only May…. 😉

mom

So, today my darling mother is one year older!

(!!!)

Since I’m not very good at setting alarm clocks or saving my money, my mom didn’t wake up to breakfast in bed or presents. Or really anything.

And do you want to know what super exciting thing she did for her birthday weekend?

She helped tear down set pieces from a show my brother and I were recently in.

Scintillating.

Now that I’m thinking about It, my mom is always doing things like that. Her defining characteristic is selflessness.

And self-control.

And patience.

And love.

Basically, if you look at all the fruits of the spirit rolled into one…that’s my mom.

Always giving, never taking or asking for anything in return.

She puts others above herself, and I don’t know what I would do with out her.

Happy birthday to my amazing, incredible mom.

I love you.

forget

Often I forget how wonderfully young and inexperienced I am.
I forget that I have so much life in front of me.
I forget to give true, real hugs to people that aren’t my mom.
I forget that courage and kindness are often the same thing.
I forget that sometimes it doesn’t take huge, beautiful, brave acts to make one courageous…often it simply takes getting out of bed each bitter morning.
I forget that some of the people who look the happiest are some of the saddest.
I forget that it’s okay to laugh loudly and often.
I forget to stand tall.
I forget to eat well.
I forget that not everything is black and white.
I forget that I can’t expect a boy to waltz in and make my life something worth writing about…I have to do that on my own.
I forget that the arts are almost as essential as breathing, and that ink runs in my veins.
I forget how little I have seen, and how much I have yet to know.

But, there are some things I can’t forget.

I can’t forget the sound of your laugh or the brown freckle on your nose.
I can’t forget every detail of 1/21/09.
I can’t forget John 3:16 (it’s been drilled into my head since before I can remember.)
I can’t forget how wonderful it feels to stand in the rain with my best friends and feel the raindrops pitter pattering on my head and down my chin.
I can’t forget the way my little brother trustingly lays his head on my shoulder, or hugs me so tight it seems like all my broken pieces stick together.
I can’t forget the way we all cried that one Saturday afternoon.
I can’t forget the way the rose petals uncurl from their winter nap and stretch out towards the sun each spring.
I can’t forget the way my heart broke after someone I love betrayed me.
I can’t forget those 3 am conversations where you say things you would never say without the cover of night and peoples drowsy minds.

Sometimes in life, we remember the things we want the most to forget. And sometimes we forget the things we want more than anything to remember. It all hurts but we have to choose to remember that time heals all wounds, ones that burn, ones that bleed. Sometimes all that you’re left with is a scar and a fading memory.

And that’s okay.

oh, but I was only being sarcastic….

Most people will tell you, up until several months ago, I wasn’t a sarcastic person.

In fact, I hated sarcasm so much that I had a hard time being friends with people who were very sarcastic. I never knew how to respond to it, and it was hard for me to get close to people who incorporated it into their daily conversations.

Flash forward to April, 2014.

Not only have I become fluent in sarcasm, but recently I have unintentionally pained several dear (incredibly strong and not at all sensitive) women because of it.

They each had the courage to come to me and tell me that I had hurt them.

So what happened?

The Internet.

As much as I would looove to say that I’m not often on social media, that would be a lie. You can see how much I’m on it by how it influences my speech.

It’s one thing to see dozens of sarcastic text posts on the Internet if they aren’t directed at one person. But slowly if you say enough snarky words to one person, no matter how strong the person is, it’ll start to sting.

I don’t want to put all of the blame on the Internet, because that wouldn’t be entirely true. The other parts of it were solely because I just wanted to be able to be rude to people without having to apologize.

I wish that wasn’t true…it sounds awful.

It is.

I mean, think about it. That’s what sarcasm IS for the most part though, right? Cutting other people down, and it being socially accepted not to apologize because you’re “just kidding.”

How disgusting.

As Christians, shouldn’t that be everything we’re against?

We are called to speak words that are “pure and honorable and lovely” (Phill) Not words that make others feel like garbage and insult them.

As a Christian, my goal is Christ. He is everything that I strive to be.

Christ was patient.
compassionate
kind
loving
gentle
righteous
merciful
holy
forgiving

If my speech is constantly tainted by sarcasm, there leaves little room for compassion and love.

So I’m here to apologize.

I’m sorry if I have said something that might have gotten a laugh, but made you feel insecure.

I’m sorry if I have cut you down or made you feel worthless.

“Ok, Lyndsea. I get that you’re sorry. What are you going to do to make sure that this doesn’t happen anymore?”

I’m going to unfollow all text post accounts on Instagram, so that sarcasm will stop showing up on my feed. It’s a step literally, but also metaphorically. I’m putting an end to it. All of it. (I’m still super dramatic like that. Working on not being so dramatic. A little. Not really?)

And I think sarcasm is okay in small doses. But when it comes to it being in every sentence, that’s when it’s a problem.

I hope this encourages you if you have been struggling with sarcasm, because I know from speaking with others I’m not the only one! 😉

w o r t h l e s s

Hiya, guys!

So, I know I said that I’m going to be posting on Saturdays.

And I still am! I just really felt that I needed to post this tonight. So just think of this as a bonus blog! 😉 (catchy, eh?)

So, for the past couple of weeks I’ve felt….worthless.

Now, this is very personal. I know that. But I think sharing it will help others, so I’m going to do it.

I have “daddy issues.”

My dad passed away 5 years ago, and because I don’t have him I crave attention from guys even more than I naturally would as a teenage girl. I don’t pursue guys or really act on it, but it’s something I desire. So much that it’s easy to find my self-worth in how many guys like me.

If I’m not talking to a lot of guys, or I’m just feeling sad, it’s easy to let negative thoughts come into my head.

Once you allow negative thoughts to enter your head, they aren’t easy to get rid of.

“You’re worthless”
“Nobody likes you”
“You’re fat”

All of those thoughts and more have been circling in my mind lately.

Intellectually, I KNOW I’m not worthless and that some people like me. But it’s hard to truly believe that.

And I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. So, I went and found some bible verses that speak about how much we are worth to God. I hope this encourages you as much as it encouraged me!

Luke 12:6-7

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Hebrews 13:5

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Psalm 139:13-14

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

1 John 4:19

We love because he first loved us.

Matthew 11:28-30

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Romans 5:8

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.