I was laying in bed one night in Mexico, just staring at the patterns on the ceiling, hoping sleep would soon make my eyelids heavy. Instead, the ceiling patterns slowly turned a silvery mush of liquids as my eyes started to water. If crying were rain, this was a category 4 hurricane.
I had NO idea why I was crying, but I was! (I know most girls can relate to this!)
As I normally do when I cry, I tried to pray. But…I COULDN’T! I felt like my mind had this huge block in front of it.
So, I was laying there, crying for no apparent reason, not able to pray, when a verse popped into my head.
“Be still, and know that I am God.”
And so I did.
I listened to the crashing waves outside my hotel window, the light snoring of my baby brother, and people laughing in the hotel lobby.
My tears stilled, and my heart raced in anticipation for what God was going to show me.
The thought didn’t come in loud fanfare, or with me sitting up in bed, shouting “Eureka!”
It was a little thought. A timid thought. A thought so small and seemingly unimportant that I almost didn’t realize it existed.
It was this: “I’m so tired.”
Not physically, because at that moment I was wide awake. I was simply emotionally drained. All the time. So emotionally drained that I started crying for no reason!
In my busy busy busy life, where I’m constantly rushing or scheduling coffee dates or hopping on an airplane or worrying or becoming consumed with my every day life, it seems weird not to be rushing.
So that even in my time of rest in bed, my mind is always wandering.
I’m so used to moving through life at a frantic pace, that when I try to pray, I can only think about what I’ll be doing tomorrow.
Of course I’m not going to be able to truly pray if my mind isn’t really on God!
So, the next morning, I went down to the beach.
And I sat.
And I thought, and I thought, and I prayed and I prayed.
No distractions, just me and God.
The thought of that can be really intimidating to me. No comfortable “goodnight” prayers, or “dinner time” prayers, or praying over a friend. Those prayers are in my comfort zone, and I don’t really have to think about them.
But when you are sitting before God, knowing what He wants you to do, but not sure how to do it, that’s uncomfortable.
And this summer, God wants me to be uncomfortable.
Since my comfort is found in go go going, He wants me to stop.
And take some time to devote to Him.
Have you maybe felt that way, as you are finishing up your school year? Frantic? Not enough time for God?
Well, this summer God has called me to quietly sit before His throne and rest in Him.
What has He called you to?